Jack and Jill Went Up to Kill Read online

  Obviously, as the years have passed and the Zombie menace has waxed and waned, these nursery rhymes were toned down so as to be palatable for children to hear, often before they drifted off in blissful slumber. But one need not dig very far to find the truth. These rhymes tell tales of horror and Zombie insurrection so terrifying they frighten even the most stalwart among us.

  “Simple Simon?” Please. We know why Simon is simple. He’s lost his humanity and turned into a flesh-eating, brain-consuming ghoul.

  Did you ever wonder why Little Bo Peep was never without her shepherd’s crook? Without a doubt it was developed in the Middle Ages as a defensive weapon against a Zombie invasion. A properly wielded crook can dispatch both the human and animal undead. And there is perhaps no more vicious creature than a Zombie sheep.

  Jack Sprat? Zombie.

  The Queen of Hearts? Hello? She cut out hearts of knaves. Definitely zombie.

  The aforementioned Humpty Dumpty? The word is he tasted like chicken.

  While it would be easy for you, dear reader, to cast this book aside as another parody or attempt to gain a few cheap laughs. I beg you, do not fall into this trap. Dig deeper and accept this tome for the serious piece of Zombie scholarship it is. For in learning how our ancestors confronted and conquered their own Zombie apocalypses we modern humans may find the strength and methods to do the same.

  Read on and learn. And in the meantime keep a sharp eye and an even sharper machete ready to confront the coming Zombie menace.

  And if you see a feverish owl or pussycat coming your way or worst of all, a Zombie sheep?

  Run!

  OTHER WORKS

  Every Zombie Eats Somebody Sometime

  It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies!

  SPY GODDESS NOVELS

  Live and Let Shop

  To Hawaii, with Love

  SPY GODDESS MANGA

  The Chase for the Chalice

  The Quest for the Lance

  THE YOUNGEST TEMPLAR NOVELS

  Keeper of the Grail

  Trail of Fate

  Orphan of Destiny

  PICTURE BOOKS

  The Legend of Blue Jacket

  Texas Rangers: Legendary Lawmen

  Daniel Boone’s Great Escape

  Off Like the Wind!: The First Ride of the Pony Express

  Baseball from A to Z

  BACK AD

  BOOKS BY MICHAEL P. SPRADLIN & ILLUSTRATED BY JEFF WEIGEL

  JACK AND JILL WENT UP TO KILL

  A Book of Zombie Nursery Rhymes

  ISBN 978-0-06-208359-3 (paperback)

  Spradlin and Weigel are back with more than 20 zombie-infused nursery rhymes like “Little Miss Muffet Turned on a Tuffet,” “Three Undead Mice,” “The Old Zombie Woman Who Lived in a Shoe,” and “Jack Sprat was a Revenant.”

  IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE ZOMBIES!

  A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols

  ISBN 978-0-06-195643-0 (paperback)

  Spradlin and Weigel take over two dozen of our most beloved Christmas carols and shred them limb from limb, rewriting them from a zombie’s point-of-view!

  EVERY ZOMBIE EATS SOMEBODY SOMETIME

  A Book of Zombie Love Songs

  ISBN 978-0-06-201182-4 (paperback)

  A collection of over two dozen classic love songs aimed right at the rotting hearts of zombie romantics everywhere, with timeless tunes such as “I Want To Eat Your Hand” and “Tears of a Zombie Clown.”

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  for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors.

  CREDITS

  Cover design by Milan Bozic

  Illustrations by Jeff Weigel

  COPYRIGHT

  JACK AND JILL WENT UP TO KILL. Copyright © 2011 by Michael P. Spradlin. Illustrations © 2011 by Jeff Weigel.

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  FIRST EDITION

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

  ISBN 978-0-06-208359-3

  EPub Edition © OCTOBER 2011 ISBN: 9780062083609

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