Every Zombie Eats Somebody Sometime Read online

  Don’t flee.

  ZOMBIES IN THE NIGHT

  Sung to the tune of “Strangers in the Night” by Frank Sinatra

  Zombies in the night, consuming organs

  Shuffling through the night, what were the chances

  They would eat our brains, before the night was through?

  Something in their bite was so inviting.

  Chewing on a brain was so exciting

  Something in my heart, told me I must bite you!

  Strangers in the night,

  Two lonely monsters. Zombies in the night,

  Up to the moment, we ate brain Jell-O(tm), little did we know

  Reanimation’s just a bite away, warm blood tastes great this way.

  And…

  Ever since that night we’ve been undeader,

  Revenant at first sight, chomping forever.

  It turned out so right, two Zombies in the night.

  Dowedowechewdududud.

  Munchymunchymunch.

  Snacksnackysnacksnack.

  MY HEART WILL TASTE GOOD

  Sung to the tune of “My Heart Will Go On” by Céline Dion

  Every night in my screams

  I see you. I fear you.

  That is how I know you are gone.

  Even at this distance

  And undead between us,

  You have come to turn and live on.

  Near, far, how undead you are,

  I believe you my heart does taste good.

  Once more you smash through the door

  And you’re here in my room

  And my heart will taste fresh and good.

  You can bite me one time,

  It shortens a lifetime,

  And never be full till we’re one.

  Love was when I stabbed you,

  One true time I had to,

  In my life I know Zombies go on.

  Near, far, how undead you are,

  I believe you the heart does taste good.

  Once more you kick down the door

  And you’re here in my house

  And my brains will live on and on.

  There is some love that will not

  go away.

  You’re here, now I’m full of fear,

  And I know that my heart will taste good.

  You’ll slay forever this way,

  I am dead on my floor

  And my heart will taste fresh and good.

  MY UNDEAD LOVE

  Sung to the tune of “Endless Love” by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross

  Dead love,

  You’re only food in my life,

  In this damn zombie blight.

  My first turn,

  You’re every bite that I take,

  Each shuffling step I make.

  And I

  (I-I-I-I-I)

  I want to chew

  All the brains with you,

  No other dead will do …

  Eat your eyes,

  Your eyes, your eyes,

  They are no longer there,

  Ooh yes, you will truly be

  My undead love.

  Two hearts,

  Two hearts, so let’s eat one.

  Our lives were just undone.

  Forever

  (Ohhhhhh)

  I’ll probably chew your arms,

  I can’t resist your arms.

  And love,

  Oh, love

  I’ll always drool

  For you,

  I’m sure

  You know I’ve no mind.

  Oh, you know I’ve no mind.

  ‘Cause you,

  You’re just a meal to me.

  Oh

  I know

  I know

  I’ve found in you

  My undead love.

  Oooh-woow.

  Boom, boom.

  Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

  Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

  Oooh, and love,

  Oh, love I’ll always drool

  For you,

  I’m sure

  You know I’ve no mind.

  Oh you know– I’ve no mind.

  And, YES,

  You’ll be the only one

  ‘Cause I can’t be denied

  This hunger inside

  And I’ll fill it all with you

  My love

  My love, my love,

  My undead love.

  FIFTY WAYS TO EAT YOUR LOVER

  Sung to the tune of “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover” by Paul Simon

  “The problem is all because you’re dead,”

  She informed me.

  Brain love is easy when you

  Become a zombie.

  I’d like to kill you as you struggle

  To eat me.

  There’s at least fifty ways

  To eat your lover.

  She said it’s really not my desire

  To steal food.

  Furthermore, I hope my feeding

  Won’t be considered rude,

  But I’ll treat myself

  At the risk of being crude.

  There must be fifty ways

  To eat your lover.

  Fifty ways to eat your lover.

  You just tear off his back, Jack.

  Chomp on a hand, Stan.

  You don’t need to be coy, Roy.

  Just get yourself free,

  Pull out his guts, Gus.

  You don’t need to digest much,

  Just bite off a knee, Lee,

  And be a Zombie.

  She said it bothers me too

  To see you not eat brains.

  I wish there were some here I could catch

  To make you eat again.

  I said I’ll decapitate that

  And would you please be plain

  About the fifty ways.

  She said the Zombies will

  Just chew on it tonight

  And I’m certain in the morning

  You’ll see the zombie blight.

  And then she bit me

  And I knew that she probably was right.

  There’s at least fifty ways

  To eat your lover.

  Fifty ways to chew your lover.

  EAT CAROLINE

  Sung to the tune of “Sweet Caroline” by Neil Diamond

  When it began,

  I see the Virus showin',

  But then I know it’s growin’ strong.

  Turned in the spring

  And more turned in the summer,

  Who’d have believed you’d become undead.

  Hands, clutchin’ hands,

  Screamin’ now,

  Bitin’ me,

  Bitin’ you.

  Eat Caroline,

  Intestines never seemed so good.

  I’m now undead,

  Can’t believe they are so good.

  But now I walk through the night,

  And I don’t seem so hungry,

  We fill it up with lots of goo.

  And though I hurt,

  Someone ripped off my shoulder,

  It doesn’t hurt when I bite you.

  Warm, blood is warm, Screamin’ out, Bitin’ me, Bitin’ you. Eat Caroline,

  Intestines never seemed so good.

  I’m now undead,

  Can’t believe they are so good.

  It’s go, go, go.

  Eat Caroline,

  Intestines never seemed so good.

  I’m now undead,

  Can’t believe they are so good.

  Eat Caroline.

  I CAN’T STOP CHEWING YOU

  Sung to the tune of “I Can’t Stop Loving You” by Ray Charles

  (I can’t stop chewing you)

  They ate up my brain.

  I live in memory of the living times.

  (I can’t stop eating you)

  It’s useless to slay,

  So I’ll just live my life in screams of yesterday.

  (Screams of yesterday)

  Those
fresh brains that we once chewed,

  Tho’ long ago, they still make me drool.

  They say it’s time to eat a broken heart,

  But time stands still when the virus starts.

  (I can’t stop chewing you)

  I’ll eat up your mind.

  To live in memories of those undead times.

  (I can’t stop chasing you)

  It’s useless to slay,

  So I’ll just chew your mom like yesterday.

  (Those undead hours)

  Those undead hours,

  (That we now chew)

  That we now chew,

  (From long ago)

  From long ago,

  (Still fill me with goo)

  Still f-i-l-l me with goo.

  (They say I must chew)

  They say I must chew

  (Eat a broken heart)

  Eat a broken heart,

  (And each crunchy skull)

  And each crunchy skull

  (Since I ate your heart)

  Since I ate your heart.

  (I can’t stop eating you)

  I said I ate up your mind

  To live in memory of the undead times.

  (Eat along, children)

  (I can’t stop biting you)

  It’s useless to slay,

  So I’ll just live my life of screams of yesterday.

  (Of yesterday)

  WITH OR WITHOUT GOO

  Sung to the tune of “With or Without You” by U2

  See the fear set in your eyes,

  See the blade twist in your side.

  I wait for goo.

  Broken hand and twist of nape,

  Like an undead mob we all ate,

  And I eat without goo.

  With or without goo,

  With or without goo.

  With the hordes we reach your door,

  You gave an arm but I want more

  And I’m coming for you.

  With or without goo,

  With or without goo.

  I can’t chew

  With or without goo.

  And you try to run away,

  And you try to run away.

  And you run,

  And you run,

  And you try to run away.

  My teeth are tired,

  My body bruised, she’s bit me with

  Nothing to eat and

  Nothing left to munch.

  And you try to run away,

  And you try to run away.

  And you run,

  And you run,

  And you try to run away.

  With or without goo,

  With or without goo.

  I can’t chew

  With or without goo.

  With or without goo,

  With or without goo.

  I can’t chew With or without goo.

  With or without goo.

  YOU ARE TENDER

  Sung to the tune of “Love Me Tender” by Elvis Presley

  You are tender,

  You taste sweet,

  I’ll never let you go.

  You have made my death complete,

  And I’ll eat you so.

  You are tender,

  You I bite,

  All your screams stifled.

  For my darling I eat you,

  Until I get my fill.

  You are tender,

  You taste strong,

  I nibble on your heart.

  For it’s what I must consume,

  And your other parts.

  You are tender,

  Death is near,

  Let me eat your spine.

  You’ll be mine so dry your tears,

  Now it’s undead.

  When at last your screams are through

  Darling don’t be slow

  Zombie Hordes will follow you

  Everywhere you go.

  TASTY

  Sung to the tune of “Crazy” by Patsy Cline

  Tasty, you’re tasty and I’m feeling hungry,

  You’re tasty, tasty and I want to chew.

  I knew you’d shoot until you ran out of ammo,

  And then someday I’d finally catch you.

  Scurry, why should I let myself scurry?

  Shuffling along after you?

  Tasty. I’m thinking that my gut could hold you.

  You’re tasty I’m trying and tasty I’m spyin',

  And I’m coming after you.

  Tasty. I’m thinking that my gut could hold you.

  I’m crazy for bitin’ and you’re turnin’ too,

  And you’re tasty I’m chewing you.

  INDIGESTIBLE

  Sung to the tune of “Unforgettable” by Nat King Cole

  Indigestible, that’s what you are,

  Indigestible though near or far.

  Like a revenant that clings to me,

  How the taste of you does things to me.

  Never before has someone ate more.

  Indigestible. Tried every way,

  And in my stomach, that’s where you’ll stay.

  That’s why, darling, it’s indelible

  That someone so indigestible

  Thinks that I am indigestible too.

  Indigestible in every way

  And forever more, that’s how you’ll stay.

  That’s why, darling, it’s inevitable

  That someone so indigestible

  Thinks that I am indigestible too.

  TASTE WONDERFUL TONIGHT

  Sung to the tune of “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton

  It’s late in the evening; she’s wondering what’s out there.

  She loads up her shotgun and brushes her long blond hair.

  And then she tells me, “You don’t look quite right.”

  And I say, “Yes, you’ll taste wonderful tonight.”

  We go to a party and everyone’s turned but me

  And my beautiful lady whom everyone’s trying to eat.

  And then she tells me, “They don’t look quite right.”

  And I say, “Yes, you’ll taste wonderful tonight.”

  You’ll taste wonderful to new zombies

  They love plucking out your eyes.

  And the splendor of it all

  Is that you just don’t realize how I must eat you.

  It’s time to go home now and I’ve got an aching head,

  I think I’m about to turn and she helps me to bed.

  And then I tell her, as I take the first bite,

  I say, “My darling, you taste wonderful tonight.

  Oh my darling, you taste wonderful tonight.”

  WHEN A MAN BITES A WOMAN

  Sung to the tune of “When a Man Loves a Woman” by Percy Sledge

  When a man bites a woman,

  Can’t keep his mind on nothing else.

  He’ll trade his life

  For the good brains he’s found.

  If she’s undead he can’t see it,

  She can do no wrong.

  He will attack when his best friend

  Tries to put her down.

  When a man bites a woman,

  He’ll make it Zombie time,

  Tryin ‘to hold on to brains he needs.

  He’d give up all his chewin',

  Step in front of a train,

  If she said that’s where her brain ought to be.

  Well, this man bites a woman,

  She turns and he’s really glad.

  Tryin ‘to hold on to your precious brain,

  Baby, please don’t shoot my head.

  When a man eats a woman,

  Down deep in her skull,

  She can be so savory.

  If she wields a sharp tool,

  He’ll wait until she sleeps,

  Lovin’ eyes never tasted so sweet.

  When a man turns a woman,

  She can be so strong,

  He can never turn some other girl.

  Yes, when a man turns a woman,

  I know exactly ho
w he feels,

  ‘Cause baby, baby, you’re my next meal.

  When a man bites a woman….

  YOU’RE THE ONE THAT I CHOMP

  Sung to the tune of “You’re the One That I Want” by Olivia Newton John and John Travolta

  Him: In the Hills.

  We’re multiplyin'.

  And have lost all control.

  ‘Cause the virus

  We’re supplyin',

  It’s undeadafyin!

  Her: I better eat up,

  ‘Cause I need a brain

  And my heart is set to chew.

  You better wake up;

  You better reanimate

  For my heart it must be chewed.

  Him: Nothin’ left, nothin’ left for me to chew.

  Both: You’re the one that I chomp.

  (You are the one I want), o,o, oo, Zombie.

  The one that I chomp.

  (You are the one I chomp, chomp), o,o,oo, Zombie.

  The one that I chomp.

  (You are the one I want want), o,o, ooooo,

  My Zombie needs. Oh, yes I bleed.

  Her: If you’re filled

  With intestines,

  You’re too eager to slay

  Reanimate in my direction.

  Peel your way.

  Him: I better eat up,

  ‘Cause I need a brain

  Her: I need a brain

  That can keep me dead inside.

  Him: I better eat up

  If I’m gonna chew

  Her: You better chew

  Love of brains is justified.

  Him: Oh, I’m sure?

  Both: Oh, I’m sure down deep inside.

  You’re the one that I chomp.

  (You are the one I chomp chomp), o, o, oo, Zombie.

  The one that I chomp.

  (You are the one I chomp chomp), o,o,oo, Zombie.

  The one that I chomp.

  (You are the one I chomp),o, o, oo

  The brains I need.

  Oh, yes I’m freed.

  DA YA THINK I‘M TASTY

  Sung to the tune of “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy” by Rod Stewart

  She sits alone waiting to digest us.

  He’s so nervous avoiding the intestines.

  Her lips were dry her heart was slightly bitter

  Don’t you just know why their all a-twitter.

  If you eat a body and you think it’s sexy

  Becomes undead and let me know.

  If you really need me just reach out and bite me

  Come on, honey, bite me so.

  Bite me so, baby.

  He’s acting shy looking for a femur,

  Come on, honey, let’s eat some more brains faster,

  Now hold on a minute before we chew much further,

  Give me some time so I can eat my mother.